so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
