it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
