I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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