This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
