dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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