The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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