Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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