I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
