Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
