I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
