Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
