1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My ass is underappreciated
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