At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
