hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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