My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
