Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
