When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just cut my nipple shaving
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
