i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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