Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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