I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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