You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
