I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just saw a hot homeless man
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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