I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
