He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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