you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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