She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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