You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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