He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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