non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
