1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
