he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
