We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
