Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
