I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
