grandma shit on top of the toilet
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
