I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
