But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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