you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
