She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
