I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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