awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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