Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
