I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
