I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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