I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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