If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
