brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
