Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
