Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
