you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
50% drunk capacity currently
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
