im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
