he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it's like iHOP with fire
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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