The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
