The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
