its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
