i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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