I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
